Who am I?

31 Days of Blogging – Day 12

COURAGE

Whether it is because of the new year or because of the changes happening in my life or both, I have really been looking at who I am as a person; what drives me, what motivates me, what inspires me and why I do what I do.  I look at the person I am now and the person I was twenty years ago and they are so completely opposite that it is hard to say that they are the same person.  I know that we all grow and change as the years go on, but the changes in my life have been so radical, I start to wonder who is the real me?

We are told to “just be you” and “don’t try to be like someone else”, but I wonder if that is such sage advice.  If I had stayed the same person I was twenty years ago, I would not have the life I have now.  I think better advice would be “be the very best version of yourself”.  To be the very best we can be, sometimes we need to develop characteristics in ourselves that we admire in others; think the compassion of Mother Theresa.  We need to look at ourselves objectively and see where our strengths are, so we can further develop them, and admit our weaknesses so that we can improve on them.

That was a little off track to what I was originally going to post about, but it is non the less true.  What really got me thinking about who I am is the colour pink.  OK, so that may sound a little weird, but let me explain…

I love the colour pink in all it’s many diversities.  I like girlie things, I like pretty things and I like cute things, but as I look around my life, I don’t see many of those things and I don’t see very much pink.  I was told, when I was younger, that the fact that I liked the colour pink meant that I was immature.  At first I fought that label and went a little pink crazy in the attempt to prove the person wrong, but those words sunk into my psyche.  I eventually found myself turning away from the pink, pretty, girlie things I loved in an attempt to ‘grow up’.

Other things also had an influence on what I allowed into my life.  I am the mother of two boys and although I tried to have some pretty things in my house, two small boys soon took care of that.  I got tired of the sadness when my pretties got broken, so I stopped buying them (it also meant that I had less clutter to dust).  Even now, although my boys are grown, I still don’t buy pretty things for the house…I look at them longingly in the store, but can’t justify spending the money on them.

Other decisions I have made have been based on how I think people view me.  I am a business woman so I need to be grown up otherwise no one will take me seriously.  I need to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, behave a certain way…well you get the picture.

Not all these changes are bad.  As I said earlier, I had to change in order to have the life I have now and I don’t regret it.  I’ve just been thinking lately about how we shape the environment around our lives and the influences that cause the change.  Ultimately it’s the decisions we make that cause the changes – good and bad.  But now my life is changing again as I enter a new stage…my children are grown, one son is married and the other is moving overseas.  The reasons I had previously are now gone and I get to reshape my life and my environment.

Now as I look at the trends in design, my love of pink and prettiness has been rekindled.  I love “Frankie” magazine and as I look at the pages I am a little regretful that I turned my back on all the loveliness for so long.  I also love Kikki K and their pretty, girlie designs inspire me. I want to have this back in my life, I want to let that part of me have it’s time in the sun.

So, here is something for you!  I know we are part way through January already, but here is a January calendar page for you to download and print.  I hope to do one for every month this year to help reignite the little girl that is still inside me.

Click the image above to see the full size version to print

Click the image above to see the full size version to print

 

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3 thoughts on “Who am I?

  1. Some interesting thoughts there Michelle. It is true that we adapt ourselves to the situations we find ourselves in, but yes sometimes the “real” us stays there below the surface. Sometimes it is modified for a time and sometimes permanently.

    An example in my life is my love of tidiness and order in my home. Before children I loved to have everything neat and tidy and orderly. Having my two lovely daughters, one who was a bit messy and one who was messiness personified meant that it became extremely frustrating and stressful to try to have a tidy neat house. It got to the point where I had to choose between valuing tidiness or having a better and less stressful relationship with my daughters. I chose the latter and really “lowered” or at least changed my standards. Whenever I felt my “mess stress” rising I always reminded myself that one day they would leave home and I could have a tidy house.

    That day came and so did the tidy house. I found I still enjoy the tidiness, but I enjoyed the presence of my daughters way more. So I’m really happy to have the company of Tom and Kari even if it does mean that due to having to empty out all my storage cupboards for them, there are a lot of boxes of “stuff” tucked away in new places. It is so worth it and I know that one day again I’ll have my opportunity for a tidy and organised house. But hopefully it won’t last too long and there’ll be grandchildren messing it up before long.

    So thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope you really enjoy your “girlie-ness” and if you need any pink things I’ve probably got some spares 😉

    • Thanks for sharing Rhyl.
      Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret any of the changes in my life, I am in fact very grateful for them. I am just in a stage of re-prioritizing my life and in doing so I am realising that some of the things that I put aside, due to the season I was in, I can now pick back up again…hence the very girlie January calendar page

  2. Hi. Michelle. No I realise you weren’t saying you had regrets about those changes. I just saw a bit of a parallel between your love of “girly” things and my preference for tidiness. Both had to take a back seat for a while. Neither are right or wrong, they are just part of us. If you talk to my sister Debbie, she has some funny stories about my yearn for tidiness when we were young. It’s always interesting as we grow older to see which aspects of our personality remain and which are changed (hopefully for the better) or modified.

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