31 Days of Blogging – Day 7
My day today was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster…nothing really bad happened, it was just one of those days. Whether it was tiredness, stress, getting out of the wrong side of the bed or the overcast skies, my day was just blah.
I slept in until 6:30am, which was nice, but we had planned to get up early and go for a walk on the beach (after doing some errands for work even though I am on holidays) and have a nice breakfast, none of which happened. I just didn’t feel like getting up and getting dressed and facing the world.
We had a business meeting at 10am, so while Gavin went and did the errands, I got up and headed to my computer to prepare for the meeting. While Gavin was out, our eldest son, Tom, rang to tell me that the grill at work had finally died. It has been playing up over the last few months, but this time it decided it was not to be resuscitated. We were able to get a temporary one to him, but we have a big breakfast catering order for tomorrow morning so we needed to replace the grill today. While I drove us to our meeting, Gavin was frantically ringing catering equipment suppliers to try and get a grill. Most companies don’t have them in stock, so we were faced with the prospect of driving to the other side of Brisbane in order to get one in time.
Our meeting was great. Although it was a business meeting, it was with a beautiful couple who we hadn’t seen in many years. It was really nice to catch up and the business opportunity was exciting too. While we were in the meeting Gavin got a call to say that a company at Noosa had a grill in stock. When our meeting concluded, we jumped in the car and headed to Noosa.
For some inexplicable reason, after about only 10 mins in the car I got really carsick. It was the weirdest thing, I hardly ever get travel sickness. The trip up the motorway was spent by me reclining, with my eyes closed trying to quell the nausea in my stomach. 1 hour and $566 later the grill was delivered to a grateful Tom and we headed home.
But we had more work to do. Tuesdays are pay days, so after a 1 hour lunch and siesta, I spent the next few hours paying staff and paying bills. I find this part of my job the most draining…my mood seems to deteriorate proportionally to my bank account draining. The last week had been the best week we have ever had in business, unfortunately that meant that my bills and wages were the most they had ever been also.
For the second day of my five day holiday we spent most of it working. It is really easy to let this get on top of you and start to feel discouraged, and in some respects I did, but now, as I sit here and reflect on it, I wouldn’t change it. That sounds strange, I know, but I believe that the downs are just as important the ups.
If our lives are all ups, how boring it would be. Craziness, hurt, disappointment, sadness and other such “negative” feelings give our lives texture and colour. It seems to me that “feelings” and “emotions” get a bad wrap. We are told we need to control them, hold them in, don’t feel this or don’t feel that, but I disagree. It is not our feelings that are the problem, it is our behaviour. It is not our feelings and emotions we need control, but our behaviour. Just because we are having a bad day, does not give us the right to behave badly. We may feel sad, but we don’t have to behave sad. It is ok to be down, to feel hurt, to feel disappointed, to grieve but when we let those things dictate our behaviour, we have a problem. We can’t stop feeling these things; we shouldn’t stop feeling those things. What we need to do is allow ourselves to feel and know that it is OK to feel and then let it go. Don’t roll your eyes, I know it is not that easy. What I have experienced is that if we embrace those so called “negative” feelings and tell ourselves it is ok to experience the down times and let ourselves off the hook, it is much easier to let them go. If we are constantly fighting our feelings, we end up feeling nothing and behaving appallingly. Life is not all sunshine and roses and if you only allow yourself to feel the good things, you are only living half a life. All those other feelings are just as important to living a full life and we shouldn’t shun them. Allowing ourselves to feel these things doesn’t mean wallowing in them…the whole point is being able to feel sad, mad, unhappy, disappointed etc but still behave with love and grace and respect to those around us. You are not the only one going through stuff, we all have a burden to carry, it is how you carry that burden that counts.
Don’t hide from your feelings. Allow your emotions to permeate you, taste them, smell them, experience them and let them change you because it is all life and if you don’t feel it, you can’t live it.